Our Two Lives
Choose Wisely Which One You'll Live In
“We all have two lives: The true, the one we dreamed of in childhood and go on dreaming of as adults in a substratum of mist; the false, the one we love when we live with others, the practical, the useful, the one we end up by being put in a coffin.”
― Fernando Pessoa
“We all have two lives.”
While crafting a freewriting story inspired by the first line of a random book, my dear friend Susan Sagarin picked this random quote on a whim. Little did she know— or perhaps little did I recall — that it was from one of my favorite Portuguese authors, Fernando Pessoa, a writer whose views I’ve always deeply resonated with. His poems have sparked my reflections on life and destiny since I was in college (I was an English & Portuguese major).
Even before realizing (or remembering) this was his quote, I found myself immersed in the deep meaning behind his words. And what follows below is the result of my freewriting on the topic.
We all have two lives.
The first life is the living-in-the-matrix type of life. In this life, your wishes, goals, thoughts, and beliefs are all based on a standardized idea of success. In this life, we choose a career, a life partner, names for our kids and pets, the house we buy, the clothes we wear, and the color of our walls.
We strive for some kind of normalcy in this living-in-the-matrix life. We long for comfort, positive results, and the end of anxiety. We want to feel safe, so we surround ourselves with tools that will enable us to be safer. We think of ways to make money last, to never lose a job, and to invest so we can retire well and have enough.
Having enough is the main goal of this life. We assume it will give us the stability and peace of mind we need.
Now, the second life is the opposite of the first. In that life, you realize you may not have enough time to accomplish all your goals and dreams, so you might as well enjoy the precious moments you have now. You realize that you could be walking down the street and be struck by lightning, making you understand that all your extensive planning and obsession with safety are ultimately worthless. You recognize that life is fragile and can be taken away in a split second.
In this life, having a puppy or a kitty on your lap seems more important than advancing in your career. Sure, you still have a job and obligations in this life, but you don’t let them dictate your way of living or your heart.
In this life, you don’t care if others don’t understand your passions and goals. You spend more time on hobbies and things you love, realizing that time spent on something you cherish is never time wasted.
You understand that you alone are the architect of your own world. You are responsible for your inner and outer battles and you welcome the lessons they teach, learning how to ride the waves instead of fighting them.
In this world, safety and survival are not the focus anymore, but simply living, feeling, and loving. You smile more, care less about minor things, and take a little longer to appreciate the trees and the birds.
Most people live between these two lives. But sadly, many have accepted their first life as the exclusive one.
They have sacrificed their own needs for the needs of others — because they were told by the “voices of reason” that this is how they should live. If you are a father, you are automatically seen as the head of the family and responsible for their financial needs. If you are a mother, you are expected to give up your dreams and your life for the needs of your children. They come first, not you. The world always comes first in the first life. You are not enough without it — and it also needs you.
That was the life that Fernando Pessoa warned us about, the one that eventually puts us in a coffin.
In the second life, you are everything. You are the sole rider of the waves, the captain of your ship, the engineer of your dreams. You put yourself first and let the world follow your lead, not the other way around.
You live that life just like your inner child needs to live it.
So, in which life are you planning to live?
I have been living the more heartfull life for many years. I need a little more umph towards my goals, but the things that have rooted in the tending to the inner world are utterly priceless.